Isn’t it too early? Couldn’t she get some more time? Is it really necessary for her to go right at this moment? Is there no point of coming back? Why can’t there just be a miracle? These questions were flying around me all the evening.
My cousin has been fighting against cancer for almost four years now. In all these years, I have not made myself a list bit of prepared for the ultimate result. For she was such a fighter, I could never imagined a defeat from her side. I could never allow a fear of losing her to be conjured up in my mind. I could never think of this point of no return. But now it’s terrible to see her on the losing side.
My list of losing family members has been getting bigger every year. No name on the list was easy. Everyone came up with a fair share of memories and involvement in my life. But she is different. You know those times when you think how will you live on this planet if you ever have to lose your mother? Whenever this thought came across my mind, I’ve always replaced my mother by her. She could just perfectly be my mother in every possible way. As a child, as much a loving toy I was to my mother, I was to her too. She had this innate ability to take up responsibilities. She never got tired of feeding me, help me cross the road or shop for me. She loved shopping as much as I hated it. And there she was, always a savior. She was the first one who bought me a shalwar-kameez, was there when I bought my first sharee and the first one to took me to ekushe boi mela. Why did you do so much, apu? Why did you do all these things so earlier? And why are you preparing to leave so early while I have never wanted to put your name on that wretched list?